Life after divorce from a narcissist can be far more tumultuous than when you were married. After the divorce, life for the narcissist is all about creating drama, drawing attention to themselves and making your life as miserable as possible.
For you, life after divorce is about getting results, civility, co-parenting and attempting to get along with the narcissist.
And that is where you and the narcissist differ. The narcissist doesn’t care about civility, they care about you paying for some unspecified harm you’ve done to them. You’re an ethical person, a narcissist is an unethical person. For this reason, there can’t be a civil relationship post-divorce. The narcissist is going to insist on doing battle and there is no way you can win if you engage in a battle with a narcissist.
There will be no civil co-parenting, there will be no negotiating but you will be besieged with emotional turmoil if you attempt to play fair…which is in your nature to do.
The video above will help you understand what is happening if you’re in the midst of it or, help you prepare for what’s coming if you’re still in the process of divorce.
4 Games Narcissistic Men Play After Divorce
1. They make promises they have no intention of keeping.
This starts during the divorce process. They will sign a divorce settlement agreement promising to do this, that and the other thing with no intention to follow the final divorce decree. If you have a divorce decree that state’s the narcissist is to buy you out of your portion of the equity in the marital home within 9 months, those months will go by with the narcissist taking no steps to buy you out. You’ll be in and out of court attempting to get the narcissist to follow through with the court-ordered promises he made.
That is the method of operation for the narcissist, agree but don’t follow through.
2. They play the victim.
In order to play the victim, he needs a victimizer and, that is YOU. He will tell his sad tale to anyone who will hold still long enough for him to bend their ear. He will use his children, his relatives, your friends, his friends, your family, and his family in an attempt to appear to be the victim in your divorce story.
He needs to smear your name and character in order to play that role and, the icing on the cake, it leaves you with few people to offer you support during a time when you need it most.
Even if he is the one who left and wanted the divorce, he will find some way to become the victim of the divorce. Count on it!
3. They will try to exact revenge.
They will use your children against you. What better way to get revenge on a mother than turn her children against her? Some go as far as completely alienating children from their mothers. It’s not that they want the children but their desire to cause you pain and emotional harm trumps their feelings for their children.
If you’re in a relationship they will do everything in their power to stall that relationship or break it up. The last thing they want is for you to find happiness with another man!
Your narcissistic ex knows you, he knows what you hold most dear in life and, all bets are off when it comes to him using whatever that is the exact revenge on you.
4. They will become very passive-aggressive.
They will appear to negotiate, appear to be concerned, appear to be on board with whatever you need for yourself or their children. Until that is, it comes time to follow through on what they’ve agreed to. They bait and switch you after you’ve given the very information they needed to be able to withhold what you or their children need from them.
This can be very confusing but, expect it!
What can you do about their games?
Don’t do what they want you to do…engage with them!
Don’t retaliate! They want to anger you, piss you off, cause you to fight back. They want you to look like the nut. Don’t give them the satisfaction. Whatever he does or says, NEVER let him know that you even noticed he was being an asshole.
Stop expecting recognition of your or your children’s needs. Lower your expectations of your narcissistic ex as low as they will possibly go.
The only way to win the battle with a narcissist is to remove yourself from the battlefield.