Friends and family notice a difference in your behavior and moods. You notice a difference in your moods. You’re not feeling as content. Perhaps you’re even depressed, agitated and moody.
Whatever the foul emotions are about, the cause may be your marriage. We all have down periods or tumultuous times in our marriages, but when these down periods seem to stick and we’re not feeling happy but can’t figure out how to solve the problem, most likely the problem is the marriage.
9 Questions to Help You Decide if Your Marriage is The Problem:
1. Do You Spend Most Of Your Time Apart?
Do you and your spouse do anything together? If you and your partner never do anything together, it’s a good sign your marriage isn’t making you happy if you don’t want to spend time with your partner or you find yourself wanting to go out with and be around others instead of your spouse.
2. Would You Rather Be Elsewhere When You Are Together?
If you do things together as a couple, you’re reluctant or don’t enjoy yourself. Either one of you is half-heartedly into game night or rock climbing and you or your partner can sense that one of you is not having a good time so someone’s “good time out” becomes no one’s good time out.
3. Are You Less Than Happy With The Sex?
If you’re not physical or intimate, your marriage is not making you happy. Sex and intimacy are the two things that set your marriage apart from other relationships in your life. If this part of your marriage is non-existent or minimal, your unhappiness likely stems from the lack of an intimate bond in your marriage.
Or, when you two are physical or intimate, it’s strained and you find yourself unable to tell your spouse that you’re feeling disconnected and that perhaps you would like to “change up” in your sexual routine. Not feeling safe expressing your sexuality in marriage leads to unhappiness in marriage.
4. Do You Avoid Important Discussions?
Are you avoiding conversations and confrontations with your partner because you’re afraid of a fight? You’re not happy or secure in your marriage. Avoiding conflict means conflicts are never resolved. That doesn’t lead to happiness in a marriage.
5. Have You Turned To Someone Else Instead Of Your Spouse?
Are you sharing your innermost feelings with someone else and not your spouse? If you’re starting to turn to someone else for comfort not only are you in danger of having an emotional affair, but you are also not happy in your marriage. You should be sharing these things or most things with your spouse.
Worse, are you spending significant time with someone else and there’s a flirtatious and not just a friendly aspect to the relationship? This is an emotional affair, period, and not the way to solve your marital problems and promote a healthy marriage.
6. Are You Detached And Prefer Time Alone?
Have you found yourself requesting more space from your partner? You may not be happy with your marital state if time alone with yourself is more attractive than time with your spouse. We all need time to ourselves but when the thought of spending time with your spouse makes you want to escape your marriage has problems.
7. Do You Make Comparisons With Others?
Are you constantly comparing your marriage to others? Do you find yourself seeing the green grass in other marriages, and then bringing those views back to yours and wondering why your marriage falls short?
What looks good from the outside may not be pretty on the inside. All marriages have problems. When you start comparing your marriage to that of others your focus isn’t where it should be…on your marriage.
8. Do You Chronically Complain About Your Spouse?
Are your friends and loved ones getting used to you complaining about your spouse? Do you find yourself stuck in a negative rut when it comes to your spouse, feeling like they can do no right? You’re either unhappy in your marriage or, you’re focusing too much on your spouse’s negative traits and not enough on the positive.
9. Do You Sleep In Separate Rooms?
Separate rooms equal separate lives. Yes, some couples sleep separately due to comfort or health reasons, but if you two shared a bed and now suddenly you’re on the couch more often than not, you two are not in a happy and stable marriage. Things can get better if both of you are willing and able to put forth the effort, but separate rooms is the doorway to separate lives forever.
If you answered yes to all of these questions, here are some suggested next steps to finding satisfaction in or outside of your marriage:
- Individual counseling to determine if you’re struggling with your own personal issues outside of your marriage.
- Marriage counseling if your partner is open to it.
- Confide in a trusted family member or spiritual advisor you are comfortable with. One who can steer you in a positive direction. Maybe talking will help make next steps clearer.
- File for divorce and move on.
Marriage isn’t easy, divorce is definitely not easy! Marriages have highs and lows and if the love is there you can make it through the rough patches together