How do you get unstuck after divorce? After surviving all the legal stuff, explaining your divorce to family and friends, moving stuff around, and ruminating on the past and what might have been, you probably feel pretty overwhelmed, right? Like you can’t see a way forward?
By the way, if you’re not sure what being stuck feels like, it feels like you’ve been crawling in a tight space for a while, and you’ve finally reached the end of it only to find it got smaller and smaller and you can barely move…it’s claustrophobic and it’s uncomfortable and a little panicky…
This doesn’t have to be your reality of divorce.
The time after divorce is a time to rebuild and recreate a life that you love. Rebuilding your life after divorce requires a strategy and a framework for sure. I should know, I’ve “been there, done that, got the T-shirt”. And I’ve worked with hundreds of clients to rewrite their stories after divorce and go on to thrive.
You have to walk the long road of reshaping your identity, a process that requires first changing your thoughts. Trying to change your emotions with positive quotes simply isn’t enough; you have to do the work of rewiring and recoding your brain.
To get the wheels in motion, you have to look inward and then manifest outward.
Getting Unstuck After Divorce
Here are 3 things to focus on to help you move from stuck to empowered.
Accept your current situation.
This is your new baseline. You won’t be able to shift and move forward if you don’t fully accept where you are now. This is a time of examination….look back at the past to see patterns that kept you stuck in unhealthy circumstances, and then let the past go understanding that you gained valuable insight and intel.
Make a conscious choice to change those patterns and take action toward positive change. Evaluate what areas of your life are causing you the most pain in your current circumstance, and then move away from those areas by implementing new, healthy habits.
Hear me out: divorce doesn’t get to dictate your worth. Your ex doesn’t get to dictate your worth. Nothing outside of yourself dictates your worth, because you are inherently worthy. Figure out what you like to celebrate about yourself and OWN IT. Get to know yourself. Deeply. What do you like, don’t like? What are your non-negotiables? When you learn who you really are and for what you stand, you not only begin to respect yourself but even more importantly, you begin to love yourself.
Correcting the perception of low self-esteem and low self-worth is a discipline, but it’s an important part of healing and growth.
Know that internal happiness is the most important happiness you can experience. So shatter that limiting belief that says your happiness is based on the actions and choices of others. If you want to feel really, truly, unapologetically happy, that has to come from you and you alone. The minute you start looking internally for meaning, happiness, joy, strength…the sooner you can get out of the pit and move forward.
As you walked through divorce – I call it “walking through the valley of the shadow of death” – I’m sure there were people along the way who told you, “time heals all wounds.” That’s a misnomer.
Time may lessen the pain, but it doesn’t heal wounds. The problem with this statement is that it requires no action on your part. The truth is, time doesn’t determine your healing; you do. You get to decide to move on, to ask for help if you need it, and to take steps to healing.
You get to architect your dream life. Don’t waste your energy hoping and wishing. Hope and fear are laced with doubt. Lean into your new freedom and your newfound power and take inspired action. One of the reasons you may feel stuck after divorce is that you don’t practice self-care.
You may be overworking, determined to prove you’re worthy, or putting everyone else first because you don’t know how to look at your own needs. Self-care is important to finding long term happiness and confidence within yourself. Who do you want to be? What life do you want to have?
No one else will satisfy your emotional needs. Now is the time to invest in yourself to design the future you want.
I wholeheartedly believe that our thoughts determine our reality. I know that for a fact because I’ve helped clients recode their minds to change their thoughts so they can break free from limiting beliefs and live their best lives.
There is so much goodness ahead of you, and you’ll get there if you put in the work, one day at a time.